New Year Resolutions
Dear new year,
I used to always tell myself I need a 'fresh start' or a 'start over'. And I meant it, with all my heart and soul- but there is something you learn after trying to restart so many times- you will burn your ignition.
Every new-year I had a list of resolutions, goals and a ton of motivation- this time, it will work! Guess what? It didn't, I kept going back to the same old habits. Its not just new year, I'm talking about every rough patch in life, that you feel like you desperately need a change- a new beginning. Dang, I flew all the way to the other side of the world for it- besides amazing experiences, I still had the same fears and inhibitions.
Don’t get me wrong, I'm all for new year resolutions, and setting goals and targets for yourself, just make sure that you are ready for it, and that your goals are realistic and will support the person you want to be and not just what you think others expect you too.
Last year, I was on the plane when the clocks changed, 2017 was over- and 2018 had begun. It was wildly amazing and scary, to be on a plane, no one I know in sight, welcoming another chapter in my life. Full of expectations and goals, I stepped into a new country, and what I had hoped will be a new Me. Little did I understand that I am already everything I wanted to be, I am the 'new me' I was wishing for- just buried under layers of insecurities.
I would tell you all about my trip, but today I will only focus on how it affected me.
My trip was a whole lot different than what I expected, and was shorter than I had hoped it would be, and after 3 months I got back home. I thought leaving everything I knew was hard, but at the moment I got on the plane back home, I realized that letting go of what you think you want, and what seems to be others expectations of you, and your own expectations of yourself and life in general- is much harder.
This is the first new-year that I don't have a long list of resolutions, nor do I feel like I need any change- I have learned that change, happens all the time, every day that I wake up something changes, but coming to that was hard, and it had taken more energy from me than trying to get the 100 cows into the pen by myself- while its raining.
I always have goals, I set 3 'big' goals (long term goals), and each one of them has a sub goals- 3 'small' things that will help me get to the big ones. I like moving forward, whenever I feel like I am going now-where I get anxious and look for another challenge.
My new year resolution and biggest goal is- KEEP GOING! You are on the right track, just don't quit when it gets a little rocky!
For the first time in my life, I am exactly where I want to be, I know where I'd like to go, and how to get there, and the biggest thing of all- I love the person I had become, and excited to meet the person I will be next year.
2019- BRING IT ON! I'm ready for you.